Disclaimer: Charles Bronson (of “Death Wish” and other violent movies) and Barney do not belong to me. I don’t know about the first one, but the second is a good thing. ^^;;;

Warning: Charles Bronson in a Barney episode. Enough said. Oh, and on their discussion and views: This is just a stupid attempt at humor, people. DON’T TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!!!

BARNEY TALKS ABOUT VIOLENCE
A script by Cardcaptor Mars and her Creative Writing classmate Crystal

Barney: Hey kids! How are all my very best friends? Today we’re going to talk about a very important subject. Have your moms and dads ever told you that you couldn’t watch something on TV because it was too violent? Well, I‘m going to teach you what it is and why they say that. Here to help me is my very special friend, Charlie Bronson! Hello Charlie!

Bronson: What!? You mean you want me to talk on a kiddy show? And with a stupid purple dinosaur?

Barney: Now, that‘s not a very nice thing to say, Charlie.

Bronson: How is it not nice?

Barney: It can hurt people’s feelings.

Bronson: So what? I don’t do kiddy flicks! I only do action movies. Where’s the violence? The blood, the gore? No one likes this *beep*!

Barney: Charlie! *sigh* Lets go on with the subject.

Bronson: And that was...?

Barney: Violence on TV.

Bronson: I’m all for it! Without it, I would either be out of work or making crappy sappy bombs!

Barney: Not everyone likes violence. What about the children?

Bronson: Screw them! No, screw their parents! If they don’t expose violence to kids, then they won’t be prepared for the real world!

Barney: What do you mean?

Bronson: If you keep feeding kids this happy, fuddy-duddy crap, they’re gonna think the entire world is all lollipops and sunshine!

Barney: But violence gives them the idea that killing and hurting people is okay! Encouraging kids to think non-hurtful thoughts helps them use their imagination and lets them know anything is possible.

Bronson: If anything were possible we’d all be millionaires!

Barney: (whispering to him) You never really were a kid, were you?

Bronson: (shrugs) I don’t remember.

Barney: Well, you see Charlie... (Sunshiny music comes up and kids come in and join them)

Bronson: What the *beep*?

Barney and Kids: (singing) “Violence is cruel and mean/No that’s just not our scene/we’d rather be friendly than get in a fight--”

Bronson: (interrupting) Oh for crying out loud! (He takes a gun and shoots the tape player. All the kids run away screaming)

Barney: Charlie!

Bronson: (exploding) Don’t you get it? Kids hate your show! The only reason why those singing kids are here is because they’re getting paid!

Barney: .........

Bronson: No one believes anything you say! All you do is annoy everyone!

Barney: B-b-but-

Bronson: Don’t “but” me! Get it through your head! You’re nothing but a stupid! Annoying! Purple! FREAK!!!

Barney: You’re right! I am! I hate this show!

Bronson: ...Wha?

Barney: I only joined this show because no one else will take an ugly creature that shouldn’t exist! I need to pay my bills! I need to stay in my apartment! I hate this life! I hate myself! I hate everybody! (Breaks down and sobs)

Bronson: Um, wow, I don’t know what to say...I’m really sorry, man.

Barney: No you’re not!

Bronson: Yes I am.

Barney: (enraged) No! You’re! NOT!!

Bronson: Whoa, I’m getting out of here! (Runs out)

(Barney runs around in a rampage, scaring everybody away and destroying the set. He knocks the camera down with his tail and the screen turns to static)

THE END

FYI: The original ending had Bronson just walking out after the first “No you’re not!”

Honestly, I don’t know what the real Charles Bronson would do. I’m just judging from what I've seen of his movies. ^^;; Again, this is not to be taken seriously! I’m not promoting violence or anything; I just liked the story.