Reminiscing the Written Word
Exploring the past (fan)fiction of Cardcaptor Mars

If I were to say "I have always been a great writer", I would only be lying to everyone and to myself. My writings haven't always been that great. In fact, I still don't think they are. I'll even be the first to admit I’ve written my share of bad fanfics. If you’re wondering what they are, you’ll only find them at Fanfiction.net (where I no longer post) and on this essay.

I'm not sure why, but I’ve been thinking about these “stories” lately. Maybe it’s because of their content? Both are parodies of songs (one made by me, the other someone else). Both of them involve character bashing. One even bashes a character I never hated in the first place. So why did I create them? Simple: I was being stupid. At the time, I even thought these were wonderful. It always seems to be that way: you do something you think is right or the best, but come to regret it later. It’s a rather vicious circle, I think.

Anyway, we’ll start with my very first piece of fanfiction. My nickname for this one is “The Seinfeld of Fanfiction.” Why? It was, almost literally, about nothing. The title for it is Ugly Girl, and is a Digimon “songfic” about Yamato and 02 character Jun. The fic...well, I’ll let you see for yourself.

UGLY GIRL

*Jun is trying to get Matt to give her a ride in his car *

Matt (speaks): You wanna go for a ride!?

Jun (speaks): Sure Matt!

Matt (speaks): Well forget it! *drives off, leaving Jun in dust *

Jun: I'm an ugly girl.
My face makes you hurl.
Sad I have it, I should bag it.
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair.
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation.
*Two weeks later she is at his doorstep *

Matt: You're so ugly, you disgust me! *slams the door in her face *

Jun: I'm a bland homely girl all alone in the world,
I'm as flat as a board, thin and lanky!

Matt (reappears): You're no doll, get a troll,
were you hit by a train?
Don't go near you,
'cause your breath is skanky! *slams door again *

Jun: Don't get touched, I'm afraid.
'Cause guys say, I'm an eyesore.
Whoa oho!
I'm an ugly girl!
My face makes you hurl!
Sad I have it, I should bag it.
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair.
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's Creation!

Matt: You're so ugly, you disgust me!

Jun: Boo hoo hoo yeah!

Matt: You're so ugly, you disgust me!

Jun: Whoa hoo! Whoa hoo!

*Three days later....*

Jun (speaks): Oh, let's go out and have some fun!

Matt (speaks): I'm sorry, but you're too damn ugly. *walks away *

Jun (speaks): Oh, screw you Matt! *walks off in a huff *

You are not seeing things, it really was that bad. Yes, there was the lack of actual author creativity and the mixture of Japanese and English names, but those were only the tip of the iceberg. Here’s where the biggest problem lies: I didn’t (and still don’t) hate Jun. At that time, I hadn’t written any sort of fic for the entire internet world to see. I was 15 at the time, and had really started to get into anime, computers, etc. I had just discovered FF.Net, and really wanted to join.

Reading other Digimon fiction (being the huge fan I was), I noticed a majority of the community had a less-than-pleasant attitude towards Yamato’s crazed fangirl and Daisuke’s sister, Jun. I didn’t see why, but I wanted people to notice me when I made my first fic. After I came across an mp3 of the parody song “Ugly Girl”, the rest was history. I got rave reviews on it, but also a few flames. This one was particularly interesting:

Why don't you try to grasp the *real* character of Jun before doing this again? And while you're at it, notice that Matt defended her to Daisuke, and that he *never* told her he didn't like her as more than a friend.

This is the only time I will say I’m grateful for someone giving me a flame. Anyway, the flames hurt, but I shrugged them off. I didn’t care, because people liked my story. As time went on, however, I realized that the people who reviewed were either highly idiotic, had no writing skills whatsoever, or they were just being nice to me because it was my first fic. Looking back on it, this fic is just embarrassing. Even when I posted it on this essay, I couldn’t bear to read it myself.

Onto the second story. I’m not as embarrassed with this one as I am with Ugly Girl, but it’s still a little ridiculous given the circumstances now. This one is a Gundam Wing song parody about a character I didn’t have much liking for: Relena Peacecraft. After a weeks worth of listening to one song over and over, I posted this.

THE SOUND OF RELENA

Hello Peacecraft, my old friend.
I've come to talk with you again.
It seems your sister has been creeping.
Into the show she's been sneaking.
And her presence, that's been planted in my brain,
still remains.
Could be the sound of Relena.

And although Heero treats her cold,
she still thinks he loves her so.
In the middle of a big war
she only sits and talks of peace and more.
And our eyes would burn at the flash of a blinding light
that's her pink ride.
That's the sound of Relena.

How many think she is a bore?
10,000 people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
Through their fanfics they are bashing.
People writing notes to creators to kill that heir.
But they won't dare
destroy the sound of Relena.

Fool Relena doesn't know
Heero's better with Duo.
1xR is not the pair to choose.
Yaoi fans will think so too.
But our words, they're flamed by 1R fans.
Yes, it's the wrath of Relena.

And the people begged and prayed
to Heero and his Gundam Wing.
Then the gun flashed out it's warning,
then the castle was history.
And the cheer yelled the word of the good news
that echoed on the colony wall,
telling all:
Its gone, the sound of Relena.

I actually started laughing as I re-read this. Again, I was in my sophomore year of high school when The Sound of Relena was written. If the title isn’t a giveaway, the song is to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence.” Unfortunately, “Relena” and “silence” don’t exactly go together in their syllables, an exception I forced myself to make. I couldn’t use “Peacecraft”, due to the fact that...a) I had already used it for referring to Millardo, and b) if I had used any of Relena’s last names, there would be the possible drawback of people mistaking her for two characters who share those names. At least, that was my thought at the time.

Despite a few lyrics being off, I went ahead and posted it. It got much better reviews than Ugly Girl did (only one flame! Go me!) and some even assured me that song parodies were hard to do. The reason I regret this fic is because I hardly ever pay attention to the Gundam Wing fandom anymore, and Relena doesn’t bother me as much as she did (Quess from Mobile Suit Gundam: Char’s Counterattack took her place). A conversation with a friend of mine concerning the flame also made me think a bit.

The point of showing these fics to you, despite my dislike of them, is because I’ve learned from them. I won’t say none of my stories will ever be terrible again, but I can say that I have gotten better. In truth, I hardly ever write fanfictions anymore, but if I do take the time to write one, I wait to finish at least the majority of a series before I write something about it. I don’t write songfics, and if I do include song lyrics, they would be placed at the top or bottom of the fic itself. I try not to bash a character I dislike in any of them. As someone at Mediaminer said, “If you don’t like them, don’t include them.” I really wish I had known that when I wrote these, but I guess, as a newbie, I couldn’t help myself. Lesson learned.

Thank you and goodnight...